


Some Simple Conversations

by KMKH



Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arguing, Bickering, Dialogue-Only, F/M, Hair Washing, Humor, Language, Laundry, Living Together, Meddling, Showers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2019-10-02 21:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17271350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KMKH/pseuds/KMKH
Summary: Random collection of dialogue-only stories.





	1. Rin's Plan

**Author's Note:**

> I'm usually more active on my other account (MidoriKurenaiYume), but since I only post stories titled after Kalafina songs there and I'm running out of those, I guess I'll start using this account again :)  
> These will be some random and unrelated one-shots about GilArt and other people, mostly in modern day AUs and occasionally with explicit language. Enjoy ;)

…

“So let me get this straight, Rin. You want me to wear this mini-skirt.”

“Yes.”

“Without panties.”

“Yup.”

“Walk through the part of the library where Gilgamesh is usually lazing around.”

“Correct.”

“And then bend as often as possible.”

“Exactly.”

“Rin, you are completely out of your mind. I will never do anything this stupid, no matter the fact that you seem to consider it fundamental for some sort of social experiment.”

“Oh, Saber, please! You’re my best friend, _please_ help me out! I told you, I need to observe this experiment for my project! I need to see how the subject reacts when there’s a change in the environment–”

“Wait a moment here. While I can understand choosing Gilgamesh as a subject to observe since you idolize him, what I cannot is fathom is how _I_ am supposed to be the change to his environment!”

“You aren’t that dense, Saber! You know he’s been eye-fucking you for months!”

“And that’s precisely the reason why I will never do this.”

“I didn’t say you have to actually do anything with him, Saber – you don’t even have to go out with him. Just appear in his field of vision dressed in a more attractive manner so that I can study his reactions!”

“…‘attractive’? Rin, this skirt is _obscenely_ short. I don’t plan on flashing anyone, least of all Gilgamesh.”

“But you don’t have to! Just walk around in it!”

“Rin, now _you_ don’t pretend to be dense. If I wear a skirt this short without anything underneath and bend, what exactly do you think will happen?”

“…Saber, _please!_ You’re my best friend!”

“I’m starting to doubt that. Rin, I truly don’t hate Gilgamesh – he’s arrogant but he’s clever, and not insufferable. I know however of his interest in me. Doing something like this would be extremely wrong.”

“It will only mess with his head a little, and he’s a big boy, he can take it!”

“Rin, that’s enough – you are asking me to basically parade around naked so that you can voyeuristically watch how your idol reacts to it–!”

“While it’s quite a pity that I won’t see you actually doing it, Arturia is right. Rin, you should be ashamed.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Gilgamesh. I… we… had no idea you were listening.”

“I am well aware of it, Arturia. Which is why I am here to point out how useless such an experiment would be.”

“But–”

“All you have to do is observe my expression change whenever I see Arturia, regardless of what she is, or isn’t, wearing.”

“…”

“I… I believe my experiment is complete. Thank you, Saber!”

“…”

“Rin…! You… you _planned_ this–? _Mmmhmm!_ ”

“Just focus on kissing him, Saber, I’ll see you later!”

…


	2. Shower Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this makes no sense. I'm half-asleep :P

…

 

“Your hair is unexpectedly… _heavy_.”

“It’s long, Gilgamesh, so it’s obviously heavy. Are you saying you never had long hair?”

“Perhaps slightly longer than now, but admittedly not as long as yours, Arturia.”

“Then you should consider letting it grow for a change.”

“…what kind of suggestion is that?”

“A logical one. You find it startling that long hair is heavy, so while this feeling of novelty persists, why not try it yourself?”

“…”

“…Why did you turn off the shower? Are you truly that much against my suggestion?”

“Surprisingly not. I’m contemplating such an unusual option, even if you added a great deal of sarcasm to it.”

“It’s rare to see you so serious about anything. Please let the water run again.”

“There’s still need of it?”

“Yes, there is. Are you making fun of me about letting your hair grow–?”

“Arturia, you know better. I am truly evaluating it.”

“I may have been slightly too aggressive in my ‘advice’ then. You should feel free to have your hair short or long as you please, Gilgamesh. I would like you either way.”

“As you should, Arturia.”

“I will refrain from scoffing at you because I risk getting water in my nose. Would you too?”

“…I would _not_ get water in my nose.”

“…I was talking about your liking the length of _my_ hair.”

“Why do you bring up a question of this kind, which is very unlike you?”

“Because I am thinking of cutting my own. I’m not opposed to a change, and as you’ve so helpfully pointed out, long hair is _heavy_.”

“You want to cut your hair? To imitate my haircut?”

“…Not exactly.”

“Slightly longer then.”

“No, Gilgamesh. Slightly shorter.”

“…Arturia–!”

“Did you not just say that I should like you regardless of the length of your hair? Is that argument not going to apply to your case as well?”

“Don’t play these games with me, Arturia. It’s not your haircut that makes you inexpressibly beautiful.”

“Then there is nothing to discuss.”

“…”

“…”

“Arturia. You are barely suppressing a laugh–!”

“I’m not planning to cut my hair, Gilgamesh–…”

“Then you–”

“…–as long as you lend me a hand in getting the conditioner out of it.”

“Since I’m currently in the shower with you, that seems acceptable, although I will point out that you have been trying to complete this task for the past ten minutes. It’s a _ridiculous_ conditioner.”

“I’ll have you know that it was a gift from Enkidu.”

“…Very well, I’ll help you.”

“ _Every time_ I wash my hair, Gilgamesh.”

“…”

“…I can always cut it.”

“…”

“…”

“…The things you manage to make me do, woman.”

…


	3. Discussion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A famous book is mentioned ;)

…

“Saber–”

“Rin, that’s nonsense!”

“Saber – he loves you! You know it’s true! You can’t be that blind!”

“You are kidding either me or yourself, Rin! The only person Gilgamesh loves is _himself!_ ”

“For the love of everything that is holy, Saber! Don’t you know the obvious? Don’t you know that it’s possible to love _more_ than one person!?”

“…”

“…”

“You are saying that Gilgamesh loves himself _and_ me equally?”

“And _Enkidu_ , too.”

“…I don’t believe I’ve been part of a more bewildering conversation in my life.”

“And is that excuse enough to make you refuse to _listen?_ ”

“I am _not_ refusing–”

“Yes, you are!”

“I am listening to you, Rin, but it’s impossible for me not to point out that what you are saying makes no sense whatsoever!”

“Then I’ll _prove_ it to you! Come!”

“…Rin, let go of my arm–”

“Gilgamesh, do you love Sab– Arturia?”

“…Rin, let me go–!”

“What a pathetically useless question. Why else would I want to marry her?”

“…you see, Saber?”

“You only want to marry me because I keep refusing your advances! It has nothing to do with love! Rin, this is enough, I have much better things to do than argue with Gilgamesh about this.”

“Saber, do listen–”

“I’ve listened long enough–”

“Arturia, it’s very strange of you to outright reject your friend’s words. You sometimes disagree, but you never dismiss her like this.”

“…”

“Gilgamesh, be so kind as to _stay out of this_.”

“Not if it involves me, Arturia.”

“…”

“…”

“…Rin, where are you–”

“She has wisely decided to leave us some time alone. It may be that she is smarter than I believed her to be.”

“…More cunning, you mean. I should have expected this on her part – she wanted me to have a conversation with you.”

“So why are you now trying to defy your friend’s wishes?”

“Because on this, they do not agree with mine.”

“If that were true, why are you then lingering here? No one is making you, yet you haven’t walked away.”

“…I–”

“I do enjoy your company, but as much as it wounds me, I doubt you are staying to be polite towards me. Even if you would never do it rudely, you wouldn’t be talked into doing something you dislike against your will. Which leads me to conclude that you don’t dislike being here with me.”

“…Gilgamesh, if you care for the safety of your tongue, you will hold it. _Now_.”

“This once, but just this once, I suppose I’ll do… _as you wish_.”

“…”

“…”

“Gilgamesh… are you actually quoting ‘The Princess Bride’…?”

“…Did you not say you wished for me to stop talking?”

“Answer the question, please.”

“Even when you contradict yourself, you manage not to be rude. Quite fascinating.”

“Gilgamesh – my question.”

“Since when have I ever quoted books, Arturia?”

“…I don’t know why I thought I could get a decent answer out of you.”

“And now your politeness is starting to crack.”

“Gilgamesh–… you only pretended to quote that book in order to tease me!”

“I’m looking forward to our next conversation, my beloved Arturia.”

“I am _not_ your beloved.”

“Ah, Arturia, you are quite mistaken about that.”

“That’s enough. I need to have a word with Rin, to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

“Now on this, we are in agreement. There will be no more need for her to help start our next conversation, even though I won’t deny that her effort was not contemptible this time.”

“…I’m _definitely_ going to have words with Rin.”

…


	4. Morning

…

“Get up.”

“…Arturia, what–?”

“Get _up_.”

“Arturia, I heard you the first time, but that doesn’t mean I will do as you say.”

“Gilgamesh–”

“Give me a reason why I should get up from bed at this ungodly hour. In fact, give me an _extremely_ good reason as to why _you_ are out of bed.”

“It’s laundry day, and I need to change the sheets. Now _get up_ , or I’ll throw you out together with the blankets.”

“Arturia, you wouldn’t–… _oooooof!_ You unconceivably irrational woman!”

“If you had moved right away, you wouldn’t be on the floor now.”

“…”

“Gilgamesh – get _up_.”

“…I find I am actually fairly comfortable here.”

“…Gilgamesh.”

“…and you should join me.”

“Gilgamesh, _give me those sheets_.”

“They cushioned my fall, so I’m keeping them. And I will remind you that since _you_ caused my fall, I am not feeling particularly inclined to be… how can I say… _cooperative_.”

“Gilgamesh, I want those sheets, so move!”

“ _You_ made me fall on them, after rudely waking me up, and I don’t intend to give in to your request, Arturia. Now come and join me.”

“Have you not listened–”

“It may be laundry day, but it’s morning, _early_ morning – so the actual laundry can very well wait. Since when are you so unreasonable, Arturia?”

“Since when are you so infuriating?!”

“…are you certain you want that question answered, my love?”

“…”

“Indeed, I thought so.”

“This is enough. Get up. I don’t expect you to be reasonable enough to help me, but you won’t interfere with my cleaning routine. I have been doing laundry early in the morning on Fridays for years, and you _know_ it. Acting all surprised and offended will not make me change my habits – habits you are familiar with, might I add!”

“And which I firmly believe need to be changed, and _you_ know that too.”

“Gilgamesh, I have had it. Either you get up _now_ , or I will carry you _with_ the sheets to the washing machine. Getting you inside it might prove to be slightly more complicated, but I suppose you fancy complicated, don’t you?”

“Sarcasm isn’t your best look, Arturia, but it does make for an interesting change. And I do fancy _you_ , which means that I know someone ‘complicated’, as you call it.”

“Fine. I’ll carry you then.”

“You won’t– WHAT!”

“Don’t be such a child and stop moving around.”

“Arturia, _put me down–…!_ ”

“You suddenly seem to be more awake.”

“ _Arturia…_ ”

“Don’t fret. We’re here.”

“ _Ooomph._ You maddening–”

“Would you kindly step out of the washing machine, or do you want to stay there indefinitely after all?”

“…you are completely out of your mind. OW.”

“…”

“…”

“Good, now that this is done–… Gilgamesh! Put some clothes on, you shameless man!”

“They are in your precious washing machine, dearest. You _did_ want to take care of the laundry, didn’t you?”

“…by living with you, I will definitely go insane.”

“If that’s your only objection, then I don’t see the problem, my love.”

…


	5. Genetics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last one-shot of this series; while I have a lot of fun writing these snippets, they’re also an excuse for me to be lazy, because being dialogue-only means that I don’t have to describe the actual scenes. I just hope they made for an enjoyable read ;)  
> (I'm [here](https://agilartlogbook.tumblr.com/) on tumblr with my friend Christy)

…

“–So you see, this is why you should do it!”

“This. Is. Insane.”

“It’s _not!_ ”

“Yes, it is.”

“Think about it!”

“I _am_ thinking about it, which is why I am telling you it is ridiculous.”

“You are not truly thinking about it! Come on! You would have such adorable babies!”

“…You are genuinely trying to make me go out with Gilgamesh only because you believe, with what you claim to be scientific evidence, that we would have ‘lovely children’!?”

“Precisely. And it’s _genetic_ evidence.”

“…Irisviel… you are not a geneticist…”

“That’s not the point, Saber–”

“…You are basically admitting that there is no concrete proof of what you are saying!”

“There _is_ , it’s just technically difficult to explain! Besides, it should be more than enough to convince you to give him a chance…!”

“Irisviel.”

“…”

“…”

“ _Saber._ ”

“Irisviel – I am _not_ going to go out with him simply because you believe our possible offspring would be ‘beautiful’.”

“But it _would!_ ”

“ _Irisviel._ ”

“You should at least try! _Why_ are you refusing to go with him, Saber?”

“…I never said that–”

“Wait, Saber, wha–”

“…all I’m saying is that you are trying to push me towards him for the wrong reasons.”

“Having beautiful children is _not_ a wrong reason!”

“…”

“Anyway, don’t think I haven’t noticed what your words are implying, Saber! You are not refusing to go out with him!”

“About that–…”

“What are you waiting for, Saber? He’s basically asking you out every day!”

“As I was saying…”

“You _can_ and _should_ say yes!”

“…Irisviel. Please do calm down.”

“I won’t until you tell me what I want to hear, you know that!”

“Fine. I won’t–”

“ _Saber–_ ”

“–be able to say yes to Gilgamesh, because I did so a week ago and already went on a, well, date with him.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Irisviel?”

“…”

“Irisviel? Did you hear me?”

“…”

“Irisviel – are you okay?”

“…I have to go.”

“Irisviel…?”

“I don’t have time now, Saber.”

“Irisviel, will you please explain…?”

“I have a wedding to plan, Saber! I’ll contact you so that we can fix the details, but now I have work to do!”

“Wait, no, Irisviel, _wait…!_ ”

“You know that Gilgamesh would agree with me!”

“That’s not–…! This isn’t–…! _Irisviel!_ ”

“And I expect to become godmother to _at least_ one of your children, Saber!”

…


End file.
